It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My life is pants optional.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
