Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
