Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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