it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
