let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i will never coherently bang her
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
