Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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