Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
