Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
