did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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