I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize