so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
