And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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