; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
