Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
