Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
