do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
