You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
