i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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