i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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