Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
