Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
