The maid of honor just puked.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
