3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
