Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize