is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
