idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
