There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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