dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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