I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
