Pappa wants mamma naked
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
