We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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