I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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