I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
