I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this will be a night to untag.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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