Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i black out too much to be "responsible"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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