I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
