Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
