I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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