i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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