i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
