You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
