We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
