Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
