And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
