You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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