no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
