I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
