you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
BRING THE BAGELS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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