I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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