Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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