So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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