they need to just BURY HIM!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
