is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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