she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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