Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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