I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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