are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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