I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
