You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
