Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
