I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
