I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
