yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize