I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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