Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
wow bdsm is so cute
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
