Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
